BeanZ Meanderings 2006

Sab playing Tabla at T2F

This post took me longer than I thought. Looking for 2 pictures took very long but we found them. Looking for a comment that I had copied somewhere, but forgotten where, took even longer. Got that too … eventually. 

What also took long was my reading the blog again and again … and specially the movie piece which brought back memories when Sabeen (occasionally with Mimi) would come to our house to watch films that I had kept aside to watch often (yes, I do watch some movies many times). And the Hair piece: a film that Sabeen and I had watched many times together. I had always told her to watch it live (I had done that when it first came out on stage in London) … and was so thrilled when she could see it.

Ok, so here is her 2006 post

Enjoy!

BeanZ Meanderings 2005

My Favourite Mac Lover

This session took me the longest time. Partly because she wrote a lot this time. Partly because I loved her writings and read the pieces s l o w l y again and again. Partly because finding the Article below took time and woke me up in the middle of the night to look for it where I thought it might be.

These are BeanZ 2005 Blogposts

Good luck reading these.
Enjoy her sarcasm, humour,
and wonderfully amazing feelings
about so much that was
happening those days.

This is her Competition Article

This is the South African Rapex Controversy Piece
(This is the way I received it in my email.)

Beanz Meanderings 2004

You can download her 2004 blog here

BeanZ Meanderings 2003

You can download her first blog now

'Meanderings'

Sabeen Mahmud started her Blog, titled Meanderings, in March 2003 and continued with it until September 2007 when she became far too busy with many more things.

After her death the Website where it was, was also removed and we lost all o f the items that she had written.

We did want all of them back, not just because she was no longer with us (though that was an important part) but because we wanted to read a lot of her things again.

Putting the Blog together helped us re-read some posts that we adored … but it also showed us how she and her opinions remained over those 5 years.

 Fortunately we now have all those Blog Posts back (but the comments by others under the posts have disappeared).

I shall be presenting each year in a separate blogpost here so you'll see 2003 tomorrow and the rest as soon as I put them together.

This is just to let all of you who knew her know that there's going to be much that you'll enjoy reading.

For those of you who got to know of her after her assassination and are now as fond of her as we were, you'll love seeing these posts.

For the ones who got to know her (or are getting to know her) by their frequent trips to T2F, where she is mentioned every now and then, they will get to know her through her posts.

For the many not in Karachi - wether they are in Pakistan or abroad - this will also be a way for them to see Sabeen again in her own words.

Enjoy.

•

Sab, we love you more than you can even understand …

After 'After Sabeen'

Conversations with music in the background, a MacBook Pro on the cushion,
books and films around her, a cup of black coffee in her hand …
and uncontrollable laughter.

•

To those three who asked me why I was not in the film

1. Films are made by people who may or may not have known Sabeen during her life. 

2. It is up to the film-makers to decide who should or should not be in the film.

3. Film-makers also ask Sabeen's family as to who they should interview, specially if they did not know who they should include in the film. In this case the videographers were staying at Sabeen's mother Mahenaz/Mimi's house so she had to tell her who to include or not. The right obviously belongs to her. 

4. I was told by a common friend that the film was being made and I was not going to be in it because Mimi had given a list of who should be included. My name was not in the list. Which is fine, as far as I am concerned.

The Re-Writing of History is quite another matter

1. This is generally done where Governments (or the Victors in a war) have a different view than what the facts really were, or seemed to them to be very different. They must be seen to show their own viewpoint. This is always done in our history.

2. Sometimes Trauma of a major event removes the actual memory and forces to add new things over time.

3. Quite often one doesn't want all the facts to be added because they are unimportant in a video or writing that has a limited space and is already filled with similar stories.

4.  In After Sabeen another thing happens. Because you want to avoid some names and choose words like 'he' or 'X' and re-write history, it is ridiculous because people who see it for the first time do not understand the full story as it happened, or since they've heard or read other reports that say other things, they are confused. 

So here it goes, just in case someone wants to know. I'll keep it as short as possible …

•

Sab had been coming every day or every two days and called me downstairs in her car and we'd have a few words ... but she left quickly as she was so tied up in her team's work and her own for Dil Phaink in UK.

 On 24th April 2015 she walked into my room and said that she would sit for a few minutes and talk so that I wouldn't complain about her short visits.

We talked and the talks went on for hours. We discussed her college. Her friends. Some books. And then I asked her if she'd had any threats about the program that Moneeza was going to run in the evening. (She had said earlier that she was too busy and Moneeza would handle it all, which she did.) She said she'd had no threats at all. I said to her that neither Mimi nor I would object to it and she can go right ahead, but can we call Fahim Zaman so he could put a couple of people outside. She said "let's not call him for he's bound to say don't do this for a while and I think it should happen. After all T2F has done this for days earlier and we really had no problems or sorted them out by asking the objectors to come, too." (This is not verbatim but how I recall it in meaning.)

Fahim Zaman, once the Mayor of Karachi, had been a very close friend of Sab and her mother, as well as me. In fact after Sab's assassination he was constantly around and helped a lot with many things that happened after her death, some that we could not have done without him. To say that she wouldn't talk to Mr. X was a really bad spot in the movie. I think it would have been much easier if that sentence had been left out.

Of course I met her again in the afternoon at T2F  and we spoke for minutes until she said, "I must complete the Dil Phaink work now." Oh how the memories of that day haunt me constantly. 

At the event I also saw Mimi and spoke to Sab when she came down for a few minutes in the middle of the event. We felt that that part of the event was getting really stupid. In fact Sab said "Look at Amma, she's got her hands around her head."

When the program ended Sab and Mimi went out and then left (no point in talking about what the delays were, here.) She was driving, Mimi was in the passenger seat and the driver was at the back. Nuzhat driving our car was right behind her and I was in the passenger seat. When we reached the chaorāha I waived to them and turned left to go to dinner. Nuzhat asked my why they didn't come and I said she was going to drop Mimi and head for a party at Raania Durrani's house. (This was not mentioned in the film but it seemed to mention to two people that she was going to meet Marvi at her place.) 

We had travelled three houses when I got a call from Mimi saying they'd been shot. We travelled in a crowded road until we could find a place to turn back and head here. There was no one there as we arrived, so I called Mimi and she said she was taking Sab to NMC so we headed that way.

I called Marvi and said get to NMC right away. Marvi was in her car, I think. She seemed to have a cold. I said get there fast; Sab has been shot. In the film Marvi says that she was waiting for Sab to come at 8 and it had been 9 already. I wish she had called her, though.

Marvi said some friend called her (not that there were any other friends who knew then that Sab had been shot!) and omitted my name. Quite understable if you don't want to use my name, Marvi.

When we knew that Sab was dead (and had died in a second according to the doctors), Mimi had not been informed. Nuzhat had to rush her to AKU because there were 2 bullets in her, too. (One is still there since it would have been difficult to remove it without more risks.)

Marvi arrived as I was waiting in the passageway at NMC (I am not sure whether it was before Nuzhat left with Mimi or they were still there.) The first thing she said to me was "Is Sabeen OK now?". I held her and said "Sab is dead, Marvi". She cried and then left me to go see Sab. This is where Trauma happens to change the fact. She says she found out that Sab was dead when she saw her — forgetting that she had already been told about it minutes or so earlier.

 At one point Marvi does mention my name (a slight mistake?) and it is translated as Zac on the screen instead of my initials that everyone calls me: ZAK.

• 

Was Sab as amazing as the film shows?

Yes.

YES.

YES!

Why was she like this has, of course, much to do with her. But it would not have been possible with a different set of parents, I think.

Her father, Tallat Mahmud, was amazing in many ways and taught her much of her independence and helped it along. Her love of Advertising, her playing wonderful cricket which she played in the streets with servant's children and friends, her amazingly great driving abilities, her looking hard at everything, understanding it, and trying it perfectly right the first time, her ability to do whatever she wanted at anytime — all this came from him.

But much more than her father, Mimi was responsible. If Sab wanted to do something and Mimi didn't like it, she may have told Sab ... but let Sab decide to go ahead and do it. I have heard of so much of this from Sab and have heard Mimi mention this. I have seen Sab grow up from 14 to the day she was brutally killed and can recall many things that Mimi may not have wanted her to do but I never saw her stop Sab from doing. Even at T2F Sab discussed things with her mother but went ahead often and did things she really wanted to do.

•

Three days later:

Here are some comments I got on this!

https://aurora.dawn.com/news/1141129

An article by Qasim in Aurora quoted by Semyne Ahmed

Sumera

Intellectual dishonesty/apathy is a thing! For as long as I have known you, (I think it was earlier than 2005)

I have seen you & sabeen as one people. Always together. For a long time I thought she was your daughter!!!! I remember the birth of first peace niche, the sittings at your house before it. The wide eyed people around, I have always found you to be a very open inviting facilitating person even though you & I met through my random blogging, and after I stopped writing & deleted it, you would still invite me to your house & qawallis. You & nuzhat aunty have always taken outsiders even isolated people into your comforting fold and sabeen is an example of that. I really hate this country & it’s wretched people sometimes & today after reading your post I feel it one of those days & reasons to do so even more!!!

I am very angry! I hope I haven’t offended you!

Lots of love to you and nuzhat Aunty

Asmaa

And still after all this time , the Sun never says to the Earth “you owe me” look what happens with a love like that ; it lights the Whole sky...

Haféz.

I read the piece about after sabeen and felt like dedicating this quote to u.

Zak we all know Sabeen would’ve never approved of this but Duniya ka style aisay hee hai

Adnaan

I can’t account for you being omitted from her life and death. It’s implausible to even suggest that you had no hand in her life. You were her mentor and her mental solace. That relationship was a constant for you in so many formats.

You cannot edit truth. You can mould it to suit your needs. But the truth remains. You both had a magical relationship.

Zaheer

I am not in pain at all because I was not in the film. I think her mother has every right to decide that. It doesn't take me out of Sab's life or her from mine. My reason was to put things right about the re-writing because that relinks the story in different ways.

Jamal

Her story without ZAK  is incomplete ... half told truth is a lie.. irony is that no one would benefit from it .. 😞

The best news!

Free again …

Yesssssss!

14th August 2018

Whether it is humans

Questioners

Politicians

Doctors

Lawyers

Labourers

and, of course

Christians

Hindus

Sikhs

Bohris

Agha Khanis

Ahmadis

Shias,

Sunnis

Buddhists

Agnostics

Atheists

(or even the one possibly remaining Jew)

Or whether it is animals

Donkeys

Dogs,

Cows

Sheep

Goats

Camels

(and even some Birds)

People really do not care

(except for a decreasing number of life lovers).

13th May 2018

A sweet memory and a 'Thank You' to many.

Sabeen Mahmud and I

Life at PN/T2F has been wonderful, exciting, and - occasionally - crazy, too. As many of you know, Sabeen Mahmud started this project 10 years ago. For the entire world her assassination on 24th April 2015 was a great shock and a larger moment of disbelief. For people like me who still go to T2F it seems that looking at her door often makes us think she is busy inside and will step out any moment – until the truth, once again, comes to our mind. It leads to a few tears, or just a long silence.

I was among the original Board of PN/T2F governors (there were 5 more in it, other than Sab and I: Mahenaz Mahmud (Sabeen's mother), Nuzhat Kidvai (my wife), Dr Ghazala Aziz, Actress and Designer Sonya Rahman, and Seema Malik.

Soon after Sabeen's assassination I resigned from the Board. It was impossible to work there without her. But, again, 26 years of a very close association with her was a tragedy I just couldn't leave. I constantly helped the Executive Director Marvi Mazhar (whose departure was sad and I have mentioned this elsewhere) wherever/whenever I was needed.

PN/T2F is a great place and will get better and better as long as it follows Sabeen's policies and adds more (but similar) new policies as time goes by.

It's encouraging to know how more such places are now opening up in Karachi, thanks to Sabeen's ideas and constant insistence that we need many such places all over Karachi and in the rest of Pakistan.

•

Towards the end of 2016 Mahenaz Mahmud decided that she would not want to continue this operation, though some of us did advise her against it because PN/T2F was a gift to Karachi. But her tragedy, of course, was far greater than those many of us felt. Finally she decided to get in touch with Khalid Mahmood (he had joined as Director on the PN/T2F Board later) and owned the building PN/T2F was in. He had given it to Sabeen at 50 paesa per month for each of the two floors for as long as PN/T2F worked and, he too, felt that PN/T2F should continue.

Finally KM agreed to take over the Chairmanship of the Board and asked that all Board Members resign and he would choose a new set of Board Members who lived in Karachi. He did ask Mahenaz several times but she did not accept to be on the Board — but he gave her Sabeen's room to use as long as she wanted. (She has, only recently, left the room and said that she hardly ever comes there.)

Eventually he succeeded in getting 5 more members and asked me to join the Board, too, as he wanted an older person who had been around at PN/T2F to be on the Board. I agreed, specially with Nadeem Khalid and Khalid Ahmad also pressurising me.

It was required that we choose an Executive Director to join us and several were interviewed.  Rabeea Arif (who had worked with us for many years) was chosen to join us on August 1st, 2017. Sadly, just a few days of her agreeing to join us she called up and said she was marrying and moving to London right away. Pity for us — but Congrats to her :)

I arrived back from visiting my daughter, Ragni Marea, in NY on the night before and was asked to resign from the Board of Governors and take up the Executive Director post starting on the 1st August. (You can't be on the Board and be an Executive Director under Government Regulations.)

I took over this position and we kept looking for a Executive Director to eventually take over. Instead of the 2-3 months it took us almost 10 months to find a person who would be ideal for this position and we now have Arieb Azhar.

Arieb Azhar

Arieb Azhar, in case you don't know him, is a Pakistani musician who sings sufi and folk pieces. He also has a group that holds Music Festivals locally and abroad. AA also writes in Dawn on culture and society. He spent his studying time in Croatia and sings beautiful Croation folk songs.

AA is the second son of Aslam Azhar, the first Head of PTV, often called 'the father of TV' here. His plays were well known and Galileo is still talked about. His mother is Nasreen Azhar, a senior WAF activist. Here they are in Hyde Park.

Nasreen and Aslam Azhar

•

Running PN/T2F has been wonderful, as I said earlier. I'd now like to thank the Chairman and the various Board Members who made this possible.

•

Seher Naveed

I met Seher fairly recently though I had seen her art work earlier. She is also at Vasl and is extremely pleasant and advises us, through Shaheen Jaffrani (our Gallery Manager), on various art related events. Thank you, Seher. [Vasl is on the same building as PN/T2F are and Khalid's wife (Naila) and Faisal's wife (Adeela) run it.]

Faisal Siddiqui

Faisal Siddiqui is a brilliant Lawyer and a lovely columnist in Newspapers and Magazines. Although I have followed his work for a while, I have go to know him better since he joined us at the Board. Faisal loves the Truth and fights really hard for it. He certainly is great to have on this team and advises us on a number of things. Thanks Faisal. 

Aisha Gazdar

Aisha Gazdar is someone I have known for a very long time, but only because she is the daughter of film-maker Mushtaq Gazdar whom I knew from my childhood because his father and my father were very close friends. Her role has been very helpful to me because she asks a lot of very pertinent questions. Thanks Aisha.

Nazish Brohi

Nazish Brohi - a delightful activist, a WAF member, a wonderful columnist, and someone who brings a lot of sense here. I have known her for years and am so glad that she is on the PN/T2F Board. Keep doing wonderful things, Nazish. You are really superb.

Khali Ahmad

Khalid Ahmad: Having known him for lord knows how long, KA is an Activist, Theatre Director, Film Director, Story Writer, Actor, brilliant reader, Trainer, Flautist, music lover, Urdu lover, and a truly amazing friend. He can be contacted for so many things with his various backgrounds. Being on Board at PN/T2F his understanding is always needed in meetings and personal discussions for the ED. Thank you so much, Khalid.

Nadeem Khalid

Nadeem Khalid is such a wonderful person (as are his wife, Hoori Noorani). His understanding of Music, Literature, and Plays, is great and his understanding of Accountancy is superb (after all, he owns Herbion). In our worse periods - and there were many that he and KM saw - he loaned PN/T2F money to make sure that it paid its salaries and bills, he checked our accounts along with others, and helped us discover the amounts that people had been stealing while we were borrowing funds from other people. Thanks a lot NK. Your help, and your insistence that PN/T2F will survive and get better, has been great, both  to the institution and to me.

Its a pity that an organisation that did its best to support what was being left alone by Governments and most of the Media (Arts, Scientist talks, Discussions, Müshaerās, Qavvaalis, and even Classical Music) and offered help to people from every religion or creed … was being stolen from by its staff and even lied continuously to by a few of them.

Khalid Mahmood

Khalid Mahmood. What can one say about you? You completely surprised Sab and me when you gave her this place. I still can't get over it.

Your involvement - despite being the Head of the remarkable Getz Pharma and supporting the  Zindagi Trust (and much more, I am sure), your constant travels to different places inside and outside Pakistan, your opening factories in new countries - these are things that should have kept you busy, busy, busy. But you still find time to come and help us. Often. All it needs is a phone call and you are here.

(How can one even forget the work you have done outside T2F: Two examples: Your help with the EACPE for the films they have students make every year; and your generous support in the publishing of Hasan Aziz's wonderful book on Qavvaali: Kalām-e-Arifāñ.)

Honest, KM, I really do not know where to begin. And when I end I'll still be remembering what I must have left out by mistake. You gave us loads of money on loan when we would not have survived. You still haven't taken it back and will only take it back when PN/T2F is on its own feet. You increased the Salaries of people on the staff, you improved the Health Insurance policies of the Staff through your organziations, and have done much much more.

Just thanking you (and NK) doesn't seem to be enough but I guess that's all we can do. You are now busy with another building for PN/T2F and Vasl that will give it an even better area. Hope it gets built soon. Lots of thanks not just from me but everyone of us who always admire what you do.

•

Having left the Board of PN/T2F doesn't mean that I have left them in any way. I will remain an Adviser to the Board (along with Asif Aslam Farrukhi) and will always be there, anyway. It is just that 10 months have taken a lot of time away from my own work and I need to get back to most of it. 

They took you away from us …

… and it has been an awful 1096 days for those who love you.

But, still, we carry your dreams and do what we can to make sure that the youngsters get to know you well and follow your footsteps. The young (and many old people) must learn to speak and honour the truth, regardless of the consequences (just like you did). They must always stand for the rights of all who are pushed down for their class, creed, beliefs — religious or otherwise — and ideologies that may be different from theirs (like you always did).

Most important: They must have and show tolerance and understanding, even if the views are totally different from the other people. They must argue with facts … but never pull guns, never kill, never maim. They must not forget that the others are as human as the rest and may have gotten those beliefs and ideas from people who profess things in ways that could be inhuman (or insane). But they must be ready if argued by facts that even their views can often be wrong and accept the others views and change their stance.

•

We had a Baluchistan event earlier a couple of years ago — and it went very well. On the 24th April 2015, when you had opened the second Baluchistan event at T2F, you had said again what you believed in …

The Intro

But they took you away …

💋

Remembering you …

It launches at T2F on the 26th.

•

This is your first book, Sabeen,

and it has you being written about in

Newspapers and Magazines.

It has poems

(including one that you wrote).

It has people from all over the world talking

about you and your courage and love for humanity

and more, more, more.

•

Here is the cover in the English part

•

Here is the inside page behind the English Cover

•

Here is the inside page behind the other side's  Cover

•

Here is the cover in Urdu & Sindhi

with Mina's painting of you that she gave to me.

 •

I cried reading all of it.
But I do that on most days, anyway.

•

As Faiz said …

Bahār ab aa keh kyā karay gi, keh jin say thā jashné shayr o naghma

Voh gül saré shākh jal gaé haéñ, voh dil tahé dām büjh gaé haéñ

The Pakistan Flag

Since many people will be using the Pakistan Flag today (and many use it on their cars and buildings on special occasions) it would be great to know how it is shaped correctly. 

The Green Color Code is #006600

When tied to a mast, it must be tied only at the left (at the beginning of the white bar) and left to fly freely without any obstruction.

Official sizes of Pakistani flags are:

For ceremonial occasions. 21' × 14' or 18' × 12' or 10' × 6' or 9' × 6¼'.

For erecting over the buildings. 6' × 4' or 3' × 2'.

For cars 24" × 16".

For tables 10¼" × 8¼".

(For FB and other Social Media it must be reduced proportionately!)

To draw the flag make a box measuring for example 10.25 x 8.25 piece of paper approximately A4 size take 1/4th part of it on the left and paint rest as green

Now draw the crescent and moon as shown in the figure blow make sure that one corner of star is exactly pointing  to top right corner of the flag and the center point of the circle of the moon is exactly the center of the green part of the flag. 

The flag was designed by a distant relative of mine, Mr Amir-ud-din Khidwai.