After 'After Sabeen'

Conversations with music in the background, a MacBook Pro on the cushion,
books and films around her, a cup of black coffee in her hand …
and uncontrollable laughter.

•

To those three who asked me why I was not in the film

1. Films are made by people who may or may not have known Sabeen during her life. 

2. It is up to the film-makers to decide who should or should not be in the film.

3. Film-makers also ask Sabeen's family as to who they should interview, specially if they did not know who they should include in the film. In this case the videographers were staying at Sabeen's mother Mahenaz/Mimi's house so she had to tell her who to include or not. The right obviously belongs to her. 

4. I was told by a common friend that the film was being made and I was not going to be in it because Mimi had given a list of who should be included. My name was not in the list. Which is fine, as far as I am concerned.

The Re-Writing of History is quite another matter

1. This is generally done where Governments (or the Victors in a war) have a different view than what the facts really were, or seemed to them to be very different. They must be seen to show their own viewpoint. This is always done in our history.

2. Sometimes Trauma of a major event removes the actual memory and forces to add new things over time.

3. Quite often one doesn't want all the facts to be added because they are unimportant in a video or writing that has a limited space and is already filled with similar stories.

4.  In After Sabeen another thing happens. Because you want to avoid some names and choose words like 'he' or 'X' and re-write history, it is ridiculous because people who see it for the first time do not understand the full story as it happened, or since they've heard or read other reports that say other things, they are confused. 

So here it goes, just in case someone wants to know. I'll keep it as short as possible …

•

Sab had been coming every day or every two days and called me downstairs in her car and we'd have a few words ... but she left quickly as she was so tied up in her team's work and her own for Dil Phaink in UK.

 On 24th April 2015 she walked into my room and said that she would sit for a few minutes and talk so that I wouldn't complain about her short visits.

We talked and the talks went on for hours. We discussed her college. Her friends. Some books. And then I asked her if she'd had any threats about the program that Moneeza was going to run in the evening. (She had said earlier that she was too busy and Moneeza would handle it all, which she did.) She said she'd had no threats at all. I said to her that neither Mimi nor I would object to it and she can go right ahead, but can we call Fahim Zaman so he could put a couple of people outside. She said "let's not call him for he's bound to say don't do this for a while and I think it should happen. After all T2F has done this for days earlier and we really had no problems or sorted them out by asking the objectors to come, too." (This is not verbatim but how I recall it in meaning.)

Fahim Zaman, once the Mayor of Karachi, had been a very close friend of Sab and her mother, as well as me. In fact after Sab's assassination he was constantly around and helped a lot with many things that happened after her death, some that we could not have done without him. To say that she wouldn't talk to Mr. X was a really bad spot in the movie. I think it would have been much easier if that sentence had been left out.

Of course I met her again in the afternoon at T2F  and we spoke for minutes until she said, "I must complete the Dil Phaink work now." Oh how the memories of that day haunt me constantly. 

At the event I also saw Mimi and spoke to Sab when she came down for a few minutes in the middle of the event. We felt that that part of the event was getting really stupid. In fact Sab said "Look at Amma, she's got her hands around her head."

When the program ended Sab and Mimi went out and then left (no point in talking about what the delays were, here.) She was driving, Mimi was in the passenger seat and the driver was at the back. Nuzhat driving our car was right behind her and I was in the passenger seat. When we reached the chaorāha I waived to them and turned left to go to dinner. Nuzhat asked my why they didn't come and I said she was going to drop Mimi and head for a party at Raania Durrani's house. (This was not mentioned in the film but it seemed to mention to two people that she was going to meet Marvi at her place.) 

We had travelled three houses when I got a call from Mimi saying they'd been shot. We travelled in a crowded road until we could find a place to turn back and head here. There was no one there as we arrived, so I called Mimi and she said she was taking Sab to NMC so we headed that way.

I called Marvi and said get to NMC right away. Marvi was in her car, I think. She seemed to have a cold. I said get there fast; Sab has been shot. In the film Marvi says that she was waiting for Sab to come at 8 and it had been 9 already. I wish she had called her, though.

Marvi said some friend called her (not that there were any other friends who knew then that Sab had been shot!) and omitted my name. Quite understable if you don't want to use my name, Marvi.

When we knew that Sab was dead (and had died in a second according to the doctors), Mimi had not been informed. Nuzhat had to rush her to AKU because there were 2 bullets in her, too. (One is still there since it would have been difficult to remove it without more risks.)

Marvi arrived as I was waiting in the passageway at NMC (I am not sure whether it was before Nuzhat left with Mimi or they were still there.) The first thing she said to me was "Is Sabeen OK now?". I held her and said "Sab is dead, Marvi". She cried and then left me to go see Sab. This is where Trauma happens to change the fact. She says she found out that Sab was dead when she saw her — forgetting that she had already been told about it minutes or so earlier.

 At one point Marvi does mention my name (a slight mistake?) and it is translated as Zac on the screen instead of my initials that everyone calls me: ZAK.

• 

Was Sab as amazing as the film shows?

Yes.

YES.

YES!

Why was she like this has, of course, much to do with her. But it would not have been possible with a different set of parents, I think.

Her father, Tallat Mahmud, was amazing in many ways and taught her much of her independence and helped it along. Her love of Advertising, her playing wonderful cricket which she played in the streets with servant's children and friends, her amazingly great driving abilities, her looking hard at everything, understanding it, and trying it perfectly right the first time, her ability to do whatever she wanted at anytime — all this came from him.

But much more than her father, Mimi was responsible. If Sab wanted to do something and Mimi didn't like it, she may have told Sab ... but let Sab decide to go ahead and do it. I have heard of so much of this from Sab and have heard Mimi mention this. I have seen Sab grow up from 14 to the day she was brutally killed and can recall many things that Mimi may not have wanted her to do but I never saw her stop Sab from doing. Even at T2F Sab discussed things with her mother but went ahead often and did things she really wanted to do.

•

Three days later:

Here are some comments I got on this!

https://aurora.dawn.com/news/1141129

An article by Qasim in Aurora quoted by Semyne Ahmed

Sumera

Intellectual dishonesty/apathy is a thing! For as long as I have known you, (I think it was earlier than 2005)

I have seen you & sabeen as one people. Always together. For a long time I thought she was your daughter!!!! I remember the birth of first peace niche, the sittings at your house before it. The wide eyed people around, I have always found you to be a very open inviting facilitating person even though you & I met through my random blogging, and after I stopped writing & deleted it, you would still invite me to your house & qawallis. You & nuzhat aunty have always taken outsiders even isolated people into your comforting fold and sabeen is an example of that. I really hate this country & it’s wretched people sometimes & today after reading your post I feel it one of those days & reasons to do so even more!!!

I am very angry! I hope I haven’t offended you!

Lots of love to you and nuzhat Aunty

Asmaa

And still after all this time , the Sun never says to the Earth “you owe me” look what happens with a love like that ; it lights the Whole sky...

Haféz.

I read the piece about after sabeen and felt like dedicating this quote to u.

Zak we all know Sabeen would’ve never approved of this but Duniya ka style aisay hee hai

Adnaan

I can’t account for you being omitted from her life and death. It’s implausible to even suggest that you had no hand in her life. You were her mentor and her mental solace. That relationship was a constant for you in so many formats.

You cannot edit truth. You can mould it to suit your needs. But the truth remains. You both had a magical relationship.

Zaheer

I am not in pain at all because I was not in the film. I think her mother has every right to decide that. It doesn't take me out of Sab's life or her from mine. My reason was to put things right about the re-writing because that relinks the story in different ways.

Jamal

Her story without ZAK  is incomplete ... half told truth is a lie.. irony is that no one would benefit from it .. 😞