Remembering you …

Dearest Sabeen

There are many things about you

that I recall every moment.

Here are some:

Nuzhat, Me, Ragni, Jehan Ara, Sabeen

The Brilliant (YES!) Interactive Faiz CD - Aaj Kay Naam.

Your Authorware Programming was the best.

Nothing close to it has ever come out of Pakistan.

Sabeen & Her Nana

Even the death of your wonderful Nana, who loved you so much,

didn't stop you from completing the CD on time.

You were always totally committed.

Sabeen at Apple's Office Garden

I think so often of our trip to Apple on your 21st birthday.

Sabeen at my house fixing Macs.

Our love of Apple and Macs

that led you to so many things including

being invited to the USA launch of the First iPhone.

Your Facebook quotes and conversations with friends. 

This was to Sara and there were many to other friends.

While this is to me (and I was not sure I can put it here)
I did want to say this:

While you called me your Mentor

(and many people still say I was)

it was what any older person would (should!) do

for someone much younger.

Then you grew up and I was no longer your Mentor.

YOU WERE MY MENTOR,

and now I have none!

Sabeen serving us food on her birthday

I loved your unbelievable passion for everything you did!

Protesting about violence in Karachi

You came with Nuzhat and me, at first,

to our early protest marches …

but moved on (wholeheartedly) to attend and protest 

at gatherings that mourned the deaths of

Sunnis, Shias, Ahmadis, Christians, Hindus, and more.

At KPC after Awab, Sabeen, & I
had a session on the banning of YouTube.

This was a dangerous moment. I always remember

asking you to leave from the back door

because ghoondaas on trucks were

announcing our names and phone numbers

to get people to reach us and attack.

(While we left just before the crowd got to us, 

Dr. Awab and Farieha Aziz were stuck inside

and had to be escorted out by the police much later.)

Sabeen looking at a tree planted by Yoko Ono.
(Yoko's note on the tree is visible top right.)

I often think of our wonderful day at MOMA

on our last trip together.

Sabeen with Fawzia Mirza at T2F.

Whether someone met you for a very little while …

Sabeen & Marvi Mazhar

or for a few years …

Ragni & Sabeen

or maybe a little longer

(like an adopted Sis)

…

Sabeen, Mahenaz, Seema

… or you had known all your life:

THEY ALL LOVED YOU LIKE CRAZY.
(And you loved them back!)

Rest in Power

•

I'll end with your lovely old poem

•

Sabeen Mahmud

30 November 2007 ·

enough!

i am tired.

tired of running
tired of the struggle
tired of arguing
tired of explaining
tired of the machinations of the rich tired of the mumbo jumbo
tired of the greedy
tired of the bored
tired of the dumb
tired of the petty
tired of waiting for another day tired of being polite
tired of corporate crime
tired of generals
tired of taxes
tired of banks
tired of coping
tired of the silence

tired of the battles

tired of the smug

tired of the manipulators

tired of being tired

tired of life

stop the world. i want to get off.

15 months …

You are remembered everywhere, Sab!

It was almost four years ago that you walked into my library and found me crying. The first thing you said, and rightly, was, "Are you thinking of your father?"

My father died in 1963 and I have cried about him often. Every time I saw a lovely film, read a wonderful book, heard a delightful song, got transported by a piece of classical music, listened to a remarkable performance of a Qavvaali, or found a superb shayr, I thought of him. And, very very often, I sobbed. It has been over half a century and this still happens to me.

You've been gone for 15 months and I cry just as often … for the same reasons that I listed for my father. I miss your friendship beyond belief. I miss your conversations, your humour, your laughter…

SaveSave

کاشف نصیر - صبین کے قتل پر

ایک اور آواز خاموش ہوئی

مصنف: کاشف نصیر 

وقت: پیر، 27 اپریل 2015

آنکھوں میں چمک، چہرے پر امید سے لبریز تازگی، لب پر مسکراہٹ، لہجے میں اپنائیت اور دل پھیک انداز بیان، وہ جب بولتی تو سامع سننا چاہتا، وہ جب سنتی تو مقرر بولنا چاہتا۔ خاموش اور بامہر زبانوں کو جرأت اظہار اور قوت گویائی کی تقسیم گویا اسکی متعہ زندگی تھی اور اسی جرم کی پاداش میں خود اسکی اپنی زبان کو ہمیشہ ہمیشہ کے لئے خاموش کردیا گیا۔

صبین محمود اب اس دنیا میں نہیں ہے لیکن اس نے اپنی مختصر سی زندگی کو بھرپور، متحرک اور بےباک گزارا۔ کنیرڈ کالج لاہور سے گریجویشن کے بعد اس نے اپنے کیرئیر کا آغاز ایک ماہرِ ٹکنالوجی کے طور پر کیا۔ اپنے استاد اور رفیق زہیر قدوأی اور سافٹ ویر صنعت کی جہاں آراء کے ساتھ ملکر پاکستان میں پہلی بار ملٹی میڈیا سی ڈیز متعارف کرائیں جن میں فیض احمد فیض کے کلام پر مبنی سی ڈی آج بھی اپنی مثال آپ ہے۔

اسکے اندر ایک عجیب سی بے چینی تھی جیسے کوئی بپھرا سمندر اسکے وجود سے باہر نکلنے کے لئے بے تاب ہو۔ یہ بے تابی اسے کبھی سکون سے بیٹھنے نہیں دیتی تھی۔ 2007 میں جب پاکستان میں سوشل میڈیا نے سر اٹھایا تو جیسے اسکے ہاتھوں میں جنت کی کوئی کنجی لگ گئی ہو۔ بلاگرز اور آن لائن دانشوروں کو متحرک کرنے اور ایک دوسرے سے قریب لانے کے لئے اس نے لاتعداد کانفرنس، سمٹ اور میلے منعقد کروائے۔

وہ ایک سچی اور کھری لبرل دانشور تھی۔ اسکی ترقی پسند سوچ، مطالعہ، قوت برداشت اور رواداری اسے جعلی لبرلز سے نمایاں طور پر جدا کرتی تھیں۔ آپ اس سے ہر بات پر اختلاف کرسکتے تھے لیکن کسی بھی اختلافی نقطے پر اسکے چہرے کا رنگ نہیں بدلتا تھا۔ وہ نظریاتی رواداری کی قائل تھی اور ڈائیلاگ اسکا ہتھیار تھا۔ اگست 2012 میں اس نے ہند و پاک سوشل میڈیا سمٹ کا انعقاد کیا تو میں نے اس تقریب میں امریکی سفارت خانے کے کردار اور ایک مخصوص طبقے کو پاکستان کی واحد آواز کے طور پر پیش کرنے پر شدید تنقید کی۔  یہی تنقید آگے چل کر ہماری دوستی کا سبب بنی۔

اس نے معاشرے میں بلا خوف و خطر گفتگو کی روایت کو زندہ کرنے، تخلیق کاروں کو ذہنی بانجھ پن سے نکالنے، طلبہ و طالبات میں غیر نصابی کتب کا شوق پیدا کرنے اور عام لوگوں کو کھل کر زندگی جینے کا حوصلہ دینے کے لئے ایک گوشہ عافیت “ٹی ٹو ایف” قائم کیا تھا، جہاں گزشتہ آٹھ سالوں سے روزانہ کی بنیاد پر کوئی نہ کوئی تقریب ضرور منعقد ہوتی۔ کبھی شعر و ادب کی محفل برپا ہوتی تو کبھی لکھاری مل بیٹھتے، کبھی ساز اور سر کی لو چھیڑی جاتی تو کبھی مصوری کی نمائش اور مقابلے منعقد ہوتے اور کبھی محفل سماع سجتی۔

میری اس سے متعدد ملاقاتیں ہوئی اور اس نے کم و بیش ہر ملاقات میں اس اندیشے کا اظہار کیا کہ اسے دیکھا جارہا ہے، اسکی حرکات پر نظر رکھی جاتی ہیں اور اسے نشانہ بھی بنایا جاسکتا ہے۔ اسکا ہر دوست اسکے اندیشوں سے باخبر تھا۔

تین سال پہلے اسکی ویلانٹائن ڈے کمپین کے شدید ردعمل سے اور سال پہلے ٹی ٹو ایف پر خطرناک پارسل ارسال کرکے بھی اسے ہراساں کرنے کی کوشش کی گئی۔ یہی وجہ ہے کہ میرے نزدیک اسکے قتل کو صرف اور صرف بلوچستان اور ماما قدیر سے متعلق پروگرام کے تناظر میں دیکھنا درست نہیں ہے۔ اس میں کچھ شک نہیں ہے کہ اسکے گرد خطرات بہت تھے لیکن وہ کبھی خوفزدہ نہیں ہوئی یہاں تک کہ جس خوف کے حسار کو وہ توڑنے نکلی تھی اس میں خود الجھ کر بہادری و جوانمردی کا ایک عنوان بن گئی ہے۔ اسکی موت میں ان لوگوں کے لئے ایک پیغام ہے جو بولنا چاہتے ہیں، لکھنا چاہتے ہیں اور اپنی مرضی سے جینا چاہتے ہیں

Leila

17-year-old Leila Rasul Khan, an A-Level student at KGS,  is well worth a watch. Keep your eyes open: She's going to be a great dancer. And keep your ears open, too: She could be a well-known poet someday.

Leila is a student of Sheema Kermani — whom we all know is one of our great Dancers, Theatre-makers, Actress, and a Human Rights / Women's Rights supporter.

Sheema during an Interview

When you see Leila's performances you can feel that she has put her heart right into it. Her facial expressions are just right, something I don't see in many young dancers here.

Here is Leila a couple of years ago at T2F.

The Face

The Feet

The next two were taken at Alliance Française

during Creative Karachi Festival.

It was held on Sabeen's First Death Anniversary.

Sheema and Leila

performed a tribute to Sabeen.

Sheema and Leila

Leila's Tribute to Sabeen

•••••

Leila is a poet, too. 

I enjoyed the few that she sent me.

Hope she continues doing this.

Here are two.

She wrote this on today's times

Faith 

Stand, bend, kneel, stand. 

“Amma, why are we doing this?”

“Beta, this is something you must learn.”

“But why must I learn, Amma?”

“Beta, it is your Deen.” 

“Deen, Amma?”

Your deen. Your faith. Your love. Your heart.

Stand, bend, kneel, stand. 

“Did I do it right, Amma?

I think I’m getting the hang of this. ”

“Yes , well done. Don’t lose your focus. 

You lose your focus, all this loses its meaning.”

Stand, bend, kneel, stand. 

“Oh must I, Amma? I’m so tired now. ”

“I won’t ever force you, beta.

But there will come a time

When you realize that this was more important

“I’ll do it later.”

“I’m sure you will.”

Stand, bend, kneel, stand. 

“Isn’t it rather poetic, Amma?

All of us millions, doing 

The same thing, at the same time, on the same day.

How loud do you suppose it is,

When the same low murmur

Rises from every corner of the globe?”

“That is how He meant it, beta. ”

Stand, bend, kneel, stand.

Everything has changed now, Amma. 

I wonder if I should teach this to my children

If this is something they should learn at all

The act of Deen has been twisted

Pushed, and pulled, and shoved 

It has become an act of defiance 

Exploding from the throats of the mad few

Into the lives of the many unfortunate

Nobody does it right anymore

They’ve lost their focus, Amma. 

I have to do it later now,

Because in public, I am afraid.

It’s not poetic anymore, is it? 

The low murmur 

Seems to have changed  

Seems to have devolved

Into a scream.

“Is this how He meant it, Amma?”

•••••

Here is one she wrote after Sabeen's Assassination

Gone

Immeasurable
The value of what she did for us all

Countless
The number of lives she touched 

Thousands
The number of people she gave a voice, that she inspired , that she gave a belief that they too could change their world, just like her 

Three hundred
The meagre cost of the invaluable enrichment a session at her little paradise would provide 

Twenty-six
The number of times I had the honour of meeting her myself

Five
Little pieces of metal

One
Beautiful, blazing, blinding light

Gone.

•••••

Good luck, Leila!

Shaamé gham ki qasam …

Sabeen Kay Liyay - The poem is three languages

http://kidvai.blogspot.com/2016/06/sabeen-kay-liyay-poem-transliteration.html

42!

Sabeen Mahmud would have been 42 today.

She once gave me a T-Shirt that said "42 is the Answer" on the Front … and "What is the Question?" on the Back.

(The question came from Douglas Adams: In the radio series and the first novel, a group of hyper-intelligent pan-dimensional beings demand to learn the *Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, The Universe, and Everything* from the supercomputer, 'Deep Thought', specially built for this purpose. It takes 'Deep Thought' 7½ million years to compute and check the answer, which turns out to be 42. 'Deep Thought' points out that the answer seems meaningless because the beings who instructed it never actually knew what the Question was.)

I miss Sab everyday and think of so many things from the 26 years she was with me.

•••••

Last year, on Sab's first birthday soon after her assassination, David Berne put up a Poster of her that is reproduced here.

(Thanks, DB).

•••••

A few days ago Jo Cox was also assassinated in the UK. Reading about her life and aspirations I thought of Sabeen many times. Jo was also going to be 42 this year … just two days after Sabeen's birthday.